To Lick Our Wounds
by Lautari
Summary: An Iowa sunset, an old farmhouse, and two old friends with new regrets.
1. Chapter 1

_My muse just totally derailed on me. I started typing a completely different story and ended up with this little piece. I hope you enjoy it. I'm sure it's an acquired taste for most, but please be gentle. I've tried to give it a good spin._

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"I got to tell you, Bones," Jim said letting the screen door slam behind him. "Nothing beats an Iowa sunset."

McCoy accepted the glass of bourbon held out for him. "Except a Georgia sunset."

Jim grinned at him and plopped down in the chair next to him and propped his booted feet up on the porch rail. "I can't believe we report back tomorrow."

McCoy regarded him curiously. I figured you'd be itching to get back to the Enterprise."

Jim took a drink from his own glass and looked out at the cornfields. "I thought the same thing, but…I don't know…I miss this. After breathing in recycled air and walking the same square feet of ship I enjoy being able to see for miles."

"You've been really restless this past month," McCoy said, giving him a sideways glance.

Jim sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What do you want, Bones? You've been pussy footing around all weekend."

McCoy put his glass down and wiped his sweaty hands on his pants. He was never good with this sort of thing. Even with Jim. "Have you heard from her?" he blurted.

Jim's jaw visibly clenched and he shook his head.

"Jim, look….I know you went to see her last month."

"How is that any of your damn business? Is this what you've been waiting to ambush me with?"

"Because, Jim – damn it! Because you're different." He softened. "Look, you're my best friend. Others may not be able to tell, but I can. Spock can. Uhura can."

Jim hunched down and refused to look at his friend. "What do you expect, Bones?"

"An answer from my Captain."

Jim was silent for a long time and the only sound was the creak of the chair and the scuffing of his boots on the floor as he rearranged his legs nervously. When he spoke again, his knuckles were white from gripping the arm of his chair. "She's pregnant," he whispered.

McCoy stared at him in the growing darkness. "Wha – _What?_"

Jim kept staring at the horizon. "Carol's pregnant."

"Jim…"

"Just don't."

They sat in silence for a long time, listening to the crickets and watching lights in the distance start twinkling as dusk fell. "What are you going to do, Jim?" McCoy finally asked quietly.

Jim shook his head, lost in thought. "I walked in, and she had this big, round belly…." He shrugged. "She was beautiful."

McCoy closed his eyes as memories of his ex-wife pregnant with Joanna clouded his head. "Yeah, I know she was."

"She asked me to stay away."

McCoy straightened. "Don't -"

"Bones, _just don't_." Jim sighed and banged his head on the back of his chair. "Damn it!"

"You're going back right?"

Jim closed his eyes.

"Jim, if you don't go back you'll regret it the rest of your life."

"Bones….I told Nyota a couple of weeks ago that Carol and I had been like matches and gasoline and it's the truth. We're no good for each other."

The doctor couldn't argue. The two had spent most of their relationship trying to salvage it. He remembered many a night with Kirk returning to their room kicking things and cursing the ground the small blonde walked on. But when it was good for the pair….it was great. They were inseparable. Carol Marcus had been the only girl to ever get under Jim Kirk's skin and stay there. He blew out a sigh and took another drink. "You know I'm not the best example, but, I would go through everything I did with Jocelyn all over again and I know she would do the same. We both love our daughter and…I honestly still love Jocelyn. She's the mother of my child."

Jim pressed the heel of his palm to his chest like he was trying to relieve the pain. "I went to San Francisco to get her back," he said softly.

"I figured that much."

"Yeah?" Jim pressed his fists together. "You figure I'd ask her to marry me?"

McCoy's mouth dropped open. "Uhhh...no," he stammered.

"Yeah. I didn't either. I –I mean I've thought about it before, you know? Eventually, I thought…maybe." He smiled wryly. "When I stopped being so young and selfish, of course."

"What happened?"

"She said we were both too selfish." Jim shrugged again. "And she's right. We are two of the most selfish people I can think of, but this baby…" He smiled as he said it. "Keeping it was the most unselfish thing she could've done. She didn't have to." He looked down. "And, I think….the most unselfish thing I could do right now is walk away."

McCoy gritted his teeth and growled in frustration. "You should be apart of your child's life, Jim," he hissed raking a hand through his hair.

Jim gripped the arms of his chair and looked like he was ready to fall apart. "Maybe one day. But right now…the both of us just need to lick our wounds."

"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself."

"We've hurt each other, Bones. She hurts me, I hurt her ….and she is the last person I want to hurt. We can't raise a child together right now."

"Jim…"

"Bones! She's happy."

"And you're miserable."

"I just always thought….I don't know what I thought." He straightened. "But she's happy in San Francisco. She's happy in her apartment and her work. And she's happy with my baby. She actually wants this small piece of me. If I would stay…." He turned and looked at his friend for the first time and his eyes were empty. "I miss the hell out of her, Bones."

McCoy bit his lip and this time he was the one who couldn't meet his friend's eyes. "I wish I could say something to help but I can't."

"You made it though, right?"

"Barely. It's still rough sometimes. But yeah, I made it"

"How?"

McCoy smiled at him and reached over and gripped the back of his neck. "I had good friends."

Jim grinned but the light still didn't reach his eyes. McCoy knew that would take awhile. "Well I'm gonna turn in," he said clapping his back and standing. "You gonna try and get some sleep? We head out for Klingon territory tomorrow."

Jim nodded and settled back against his chair. "I'm just going to sit here for a little bit longer. It'll be awhile before I'm back here."

McCoy nodded slowly. "Okay." He turned to go in but Jim stopped him. "Bones?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"I really want you to meet my child one day."

McCoy smiled. "One day, Jim. G'night."

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_Soooo….good spin or slightly off kilter?_


	2. Author's Note

_I have added a new one shot to my series called, "Of Whispers and Turbolifts." It follows after "To Lick Our Wounds." I have also started listing my stories in chronological order in my profile for those interested in reading in order. Enjoy!_


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